DREAM OF COLLEGE

Half thoughts lately. Of college. The first junior college I went to. It was horrible. There were rabbits on campus. That was supposed to be artistic, but it was gross.

It was a lonely campus, and the parking was terrible. The college lay between a big neighborhood and you could only park along the streets, near suburban houses.

After parking there was a long walk campus. And after walking there were long, boring classes.

Except for one: philosophy. The teacher was great. I would sit and listen and listen and listen. I took him twice, just to listen.

I wasted time at that college. I would go to classes, and not do any work. I was in my early twenties, and simply wanted to be there. Not to belong, but to be there.

To just be somewhere.

This experience, at this particular college, could have to do with my reoccurring dream: of being in a college (it's never clear which) classroom and realizing I haven't been there in a long time.

Or being at home, waking up and realizing I better go to class. But then I forget how long it'd been since I'd been there. Probably a long time.

And when I am there, I never study.

So I tell myself, I better not go... and that I might be kicked out... and I feel empty about it.

This college dream is the most reoccurring of all my reoccurring dreams. I dream it more than when I'm looking into the sky and see a plane. And upon seeing the plane, the plane will begin to fall.

Both of these dreams are depressing, but one, at least, has an ending.